Russian family ties – how to use them to your advantage

Historically, Russian families are very closely knit. Partially it comes form old traditions of Russian people, especially peasants – the bigger the family, the more workers it has in the field and the bigger harvest this family can grow. Big family was a guarantee for survival. The same tradition was followed in the Russian royalty and nobility, for example in Tolstoy’s novels you will always find big family idealized as a happy and proper family.

The other contributing factor came after Socialist Revolution when the living conditions became a problem, and a family of 5-6 or even more people lived together in one room. It was a trying experience but people got accustomed to be close even if just out of necessity.

So when considering a relationship with a Russian woman you need to understand her ties with parents who raised her, especially with her mother. Obviously, you will remember the name of your lady but make an additional effort to remember the name of her mother. Older people in Russia use two names – given and patronymic. It is not very common to address an older person just by the first (given) name. Learn her mother’s full name and ask how she is doing in your letters.

On the 8th of March (widely celebrated holiday in Russia – International Women’s Day) you absolutely must congratulate your Russian lady – and her mother. Remember that your Russian woman needs to decide if she wants to share her life with you. She should be sure that you will respect her parents otherwise it will be twice as difficult for her to make that step.

While visiting, be sure to ask to be introduced to her parents. Don’t forget to bring flowers to her mother and talk to her. Tell her about yourself and why do you want to meet her daughter. Tell the mother where you live, what you do for a living, etc. Show pictures of your house if you want to. Make her see where you are going to take her daughter and, even more important, make her believe that you will take good care of her daughter.

However, keep in mind that sometimes young women want to leave their parents’ house and play house of their own. In Russia it is not very easily achieved – usually you can’t just go and rent an apartment. In this case the only way is to marry someone. If you Russian lady had been divorced already, ask questions. Maybe that was the case, and now she is more careful and mature than she was before. And maybe she is not, and she just continues in the old ways.

Main thing to remember is that you can either have her mother on your side or against you. In the first case it will be much easier for you to persuade your Russian sweetheart to follow you in the unknown territory while in the second case you will be fighting very strong emotions involved. A little effort to charm your girl’s mother may go a long way when the time of a big decision comes.